The Southern Illinois University deer insurgency rages on. And we’re now getting our first reports from the brave troops prosecuting the war on deer.
[Begin whistling the theme from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly here]
SIUC Police Sgt. Harold Tucker was the first to confront the doe Tuesday near the campus lake around 12:30 p.m. He told about his incident during a press conference Wednesday afternoon.[Oops, begin Jaws music]
Tucker said he regularly walks the path around the lake and was doing do when the deer jumped from high brush along the path and stood in his way. He said the deer obviously felt he had encroached on her territory and he tried to escape.
"As I turned to run she reared up and hit me on my shoulder hard enough that it knocked me into a tree very hard," Tucker said. "And from there I glanced off the tree and right into the lake."[Must…control…laughter]
Tucker said he was "very blessed" the deer could not get to him in the water, because he said the animal looked as if she had intentions to continue attacking[Can’t control laugh much longer…]
Our second contestant in the Running of the Deer is a 58-year-old student (must be on the 40 year plan).
Henry Dews, a 58-year-old English student, [OK, he's an English student, that explains it] said he had decided to take a walk along the lake path sometime after 1 p.m. Tuesday.
"Three-fourths of the way down there I see the deer," said Dews... "I always give wild animals plenty of space. I'm not one of those people who think it is cute to get close to them."
Dews said he thought he was far enough away when he turned to leave, but the deer suddenly crossed his path. [cue Psycho music] When he turned away again to run, the doe charged at his back, clipping Dews in the neck with her hoof. The doe reared up several more times before backing off.
Dews went to the squad car to report the incident. "After I came down there, that's when they started telling people not to go down there," he said.
The area where the attacks occurred continued to be cordoned off Wednesday, and the suspect doe was still stalking the territory during the morning.
"Suspect doe"?See, if college campuses weren’t full of gun-banning liberals, the administration could issue a hunting rifle must-carry rules and the deer problem at SIU would be blown away (heh, heh) very quickly.