Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Park Potty Problem Percolates

The day after Christmas is usually a very slow news day, so thankfully there’s the Washington Park port-a-potty scandal to fall back on. Isn’t a dirty public portable bathroom kind of a dog bites man story?

First, let me point out that Willie C. Johnson is one of those fake names we would use as kids for a prank magazine subscription. You know, like I.P. Freely and Ida Phucter. To use it in conjunction with a story about bathrooms is to appeal to my suppressed 6th grade sense of humor. Thanks SJ-R!

Second, I can’t imagine doing any sit-down business in a portable toilet in the middle of winter. Wouldn’t there be some danger of having your ass freeze to the seat? I don’t want to be in a position where I need someone to come in and pour warm water on me to free my flesh from that. And with crazed, stick-wielding chest scratchers on the loose in the park, I’d also be afraid of getting caught with my pants down when I should be fleeing.

Thirdly, and maybe this was covered at some other time and I just missed it, isn’t the bigger story here that homeless people were drawn to the heated bathrooms in the park and that those bathrooms are now closed for the winter because of that “problem”. That’s sad on so many levels. At a minimum though, the park district should keep their indoor bathrooms open during the day. Even if the homeless seeking shelter in the restrooms at night are deemed a danger, locking the restrooms up at sunset should take care of that issue while still allowing everyone else use of the facilities during the day.


Anonymous said...

Homeless people have been known to actually live in public bathrooms.

A warm, well lit facility one can clean one's clothing in, and allow to dry on a heater vent.

A stream of warm clean water, and some handsoap to wash with on a freezing cold day.

It's not much, but for many it may be all they have.


Anonymous Communist said...

Ida Phucter. That's brilliant. I've never heard that one. Here's more:

Hugh Jass
Anita Bath
Amanda Huggenkiss
Maya Buttriecks

Anonymous said...

Well, I quit walking to Washington Park many moons ago in "winter" because I have to pee every 20 minutes or so and the doors were locked. So this is not a new thing. Try the "Nature Preserve" or Rose garden for a quiet pee. Darla

Marie said...

I've always been fond of Seymour Butts, myself.

Anonymous said...

Some good books to read:

"100 yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit.

"Under the grandstand" by Seymour Butts

The Modern Woman by Ima Bitsh

How to Get Aids by Sharon Peters

Gun Control by Bamm Bamm

Beer Drinkers Guide by Ima Beltcher

Deep Secrets by Kant Tellem

How we got to Bethlehem by Don Keys

Yellow River by I.P. Freely