I worked this morning and didn’t go in to the hospital until 11:30. Mom’s condition was stable and unchanged. Shortly after I got there her doctor friend came in and leveled with us that we are talking about days here. This was in response to my question about if she was going to starve to death since she had not eaten anything since Sunday and is unable to eat. In other words, her failing condition will get her long before starvation. Oh boy.
While every other part of her body seems to be doing well, her liver functions continue to tank. This, of course, should lead to failure of other organs eventually. But for now she doesn’t seem to be any worse off than she was yesterday. In fact, she became somewhat more alert late this evening moving her feet and even trying to utter some words. Ignoring all else, it seemed like she was “improving”. And therein lies the conundrum. If she regains enough consciousness to actually communicate, will it be worth it only for her to find out she’s days away from death? Or is it better she really never comes-to and just slips away unknowing?
We have put moving mom to the St. John’s Hospice on hold. Two of my sisters went over there today to scout it out. They weren’t impressed. You see, the hospice is in the process of moving and having parties and couldn’t be bothered to move my mother today. That’s right, the new facility, located in St. John’s itself, is almost ready to open and the employees are thrilled. So much so they had a party today. That included a farewell sign in the elevator that had fun messages written on it including one that indicated the move was great because they would finally have air conditioning! Of course there is AC in the old hospice building but this message and another source we talked to later indicate it may not be all that efficient or reliable. Bad news while we are in the midst of a heat wave. Anyway my sisters were unimpressed and I think now we will be staying in Memorial until they kick us out or until, you know, that other thing happens.
In a related matter, today I refused to let my son go to his grandparents for a few days. Normally that would be a fine thing, getting a few days off from chasing after the little guy. But I realized last night how much of a counterbalance he is to the horrors of tending to a dying parent. He is youthful, full of life and (hopefully) just entering a long and happy and healthy future. While my mother has had a good and full life, it’s coming to an end. My son has been on the planet only three years and has all of life yet to experience.
Overall, I was much more stable today. I’m part numb and part accepting of what’s going on. But there’s always tomorrow.