Earlier this week, while the city of Springfield endured the assault of a serial robber who held up store after store, I became concerned that the perpetrator might steal my beer. I called the police to inquire what precautions I should take to prevent beer theft. I was told, politely, to fuck off.
Well, I wasn’t going to let official police indifference deter me. The beer had to be protected. It was time to take matters into my own hands.
A quick search on the web got me the product I needed: The Beer Burglar Alarm.
An online order and a huge overnight FedEx bill later, I felt more secure. But it wasn’t enough. I needed to hide my beer better. I came up with the perfect solution.
That worked well enough until the store ran out of chickens. After that, I fell back on an old trick going back to high school – disguise the beer with fake soda wraps.
Finally, I was inspired by this story should I actually confront a theif steeling my beer.
CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Police say a robber in west Charlotte ended up in the hospital Thursday night.Bam! Pow! Beer self-defense at its best. Be prepared.
The robber was hurt when a victim smashed a beer bottle on the attacker's head.
It happened at the Queen City Motel on Wilkinson Boulevard around 10p.m.
The victim was not hurt.
The robber was taken to Carolinas Medical Center for treatment.