Friday Beer Blogging: Infusion Edition

I was interested to see the Southern Illinois University at Carbondale student newspaper, The Daily Egyptian, now reports on beer. They should do this regularly. I do and I’m just a stupid blog. A college paper should have a beer editor and a beer beat staff.

Anyway, this article in the DE fills us in on what will surely soon be a campus (well, off-campus) rage –infused beer. Specifically, the article tells us how Carbondale’s famous Pinch Penny Pub has been chosen by Anheuser-Busch to test market infused beer.

What is infused beer? It seems to be beer that the put stuff into including much more alcohol. Something hard drinking college students have been denied apparently.

Allow me to parse the DE article:

It has twice the alcohol of a normal beer, three fruit flavors and an availability limited to Pinch Penny Pub and very few other bars nationwide.

Whoa, stop right there. Beer is NOT fruit flavored. Those are called wine coolers.

Served in an irregular-shaped acrylic occasionally ice-filled glass, Anheuser-Busch's new Michelob Infusion Drafts are the latest attack in the war between beer companies and mixed drinks

War is hell. War between alcoholic drinks results in a lot of spilled beverages.

"It's targeted more to the non-beer drinker than the traditional beer drinker," said James Kelly, general manager of Carbondale's Anheuser-Busch distributor, Venegoni Horrell Distributing Inc.

Seems to me a non-beer drinker would be more inclined to just not drink beer. I don’t like cauliflower. “Infusing” it with a fruit flavor still wouldn’t get me to eat it.

James Karayiannis, the general manager of Pinch Penny Pub, said mixed drinks capture more drinkers every year. Beer, once a bastion of good times, has been mysteriously losing its appeal among the younger crowd, Karayiannis said.

“Once a bastion of good times”? Who writes this shit? Oh yeah, college students who really do live in a bastion of good times.

Bottles of beer are being replaced by plastic cups filled flavored vodkas and drinks with fancy names, such as "Sex on the beach" or "Long island ice tea.

Uhhhhh…those “fancy” drinks have been around as long as I’ve been able to legally sit on a bar stool. But a good Long Island Ice Tea really will f*** you up

As times change, the beer industry is adapting right along with it.

Yes, 9/11 changed everything. Drink infused beer or The Terrorists™ win.

"They're trying to change things up, be creative and have fun," Karayiannis said. "Because life isn't just as simple as Bud Light or Jack and Coke anymore. Young people are interested in trying something different

Young people today are more sophisticated drunks. Fruitier smelling puke is less assaulting on one’s senses.

The Infusion Drafts come in three flavors: Tropical Fruit, Spicy Mango and Blueberry. The bartender places the cup under the special Infusion tap, presses the flavor button and a computerized system releases the proper amount of fruit flavor into the glass. The bartender then pulls the tap ˜ releasing a Michelob test beer with almost twice as much alcohol as a normal draft. The fruit-beer hybrid is garnished with a slice of fruit

I’m sorry, but that’s the gayest beer experience I think I’ve ever read.

Until recently, Pinch Penny Pub was the only bar in the world offering the new concoction. Anheuser-Busch has sold the drafts in their Busch Garden theme parks for some time, but his bar was the first in the world to offer the drink, Karayiannis said.

Sounds pretty impressive until you read…

The distributor chose the bar because it liked the atmosphere in the pub's beer garden, and also because Karayiannis was willing to buy the Infusion machine that cost about $2,500, Kelly said.

PPP was chosen because they paid for it. Truly revolutionary.

"The thing with Pinch Penny Pub is the Infusion takes a pretty substantial investment in the equipment and they were willing to pay," Kelly said.

Uh-huh, like I said.

For Karayiannis, a life-long Cardinals fan and a Budweiser drinker by association, sacrificing the cash for a test beer was an honor. He was thrilled when Augustus Busch III, chairman of Anheuser-Busch's board of trustees, personally visited the beer garden to talk beer.

Well, all right, that’s pretty cool. But I wonder if the new Busch Stadium will be infused with a fruit flavor. I like my baseball with twice the alcohol and taste of Spicy Mango

While the leader of the world's largest beer company only stayed in Carbondale a few hours, the visit was productive, Karayiannis said.

Oh, I see…we don’t want to loiter around a dumpy Southern Illinois college town. Mere commoners might infect one with cooties.

"Immediately the following day all the upgrades we suggested through customer feedback were taken care of," Karayiannis said. The recommendations ranged from making the beer heavier in alcohol content to fancying up the glasses, he said.

“More alcohol, more alcohol,” chanted the 1:00 AM crowd, “Oh, and more fruit, please”.

While some initial tests have been positive, Karayiannis also acknowledged Infusion is not for everyone. "It's not designed for the everyday beer drinker," he said.

Well, maybe,” he added, “if you like a hangover every day as well.”

More on Anheuser-Busch’s infused beer Frankenstein here.

Sorry no beer centerfold this week.