President - Barack ObamaThere you have it. Go forth and vote.
Why: I am a terrorist-loving, socialist America hater. But you knew that.
Senator - Dick Durbin
Why: It rhymes with turban and I get to call him Dick Turban because he's a terrorist-loving, socialist America hater. But you knew that
Congress (18th District) - Colleen Callahan
Why: I favor a nuke-free Taiwan and oppose lying by notaries.
State Senator (50th District) - Larry K. Bomke
Why: Why not?
State Representative - Please, Not Raymond Poe
Why: I have no idea who's running against Poe but he or she has to be smarter. Just has to be.
Sangamon County Circuit Clerk - Tony Libri
Why: Dammit, the guy's being deployed overseas! But more importantly, all former CH. 20 personalities should be guaranteed jobs in government.
Sangamon County Coroner - Susan Boone
Why: Coroner work is icky so let's make a Republican do it. Besides, her opponent "Aby" Phoenix can't spell Abby correctly.
Sangamon County Recorder - Josh Langfelder
Why: Coming out of the Blessed Sacrament 'hood, I still find myself beholden to the Catholic mafia. Anyone want some leftover mostacolli?
Sangamon County State Attorney - John Schmidt
Why: A buddy of mine, with whom I often share beers, works for Schmidt. If he loses his job I'll have to buy all the beer.
Sangamon County Auditor - The Incumbent
Why: Who cares? And there is only one guy running.
Sangamon County Board - You're on your own.
Why: I have no idea what these folks do.
On Reducing the Size of the Sangamon County Board - Yes
Why: Since I have no idea what these folks do, probably fewer people can do it.
Con-Con - Yes
Why: Future Rod Blagojevichs
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
The TEH Voting Guide
Since I know you all come here for me to tell you how to think, I am offering a simple voters' guide on how to vote today. Here is a list of who to vote for and my considered reasoning as to why.